dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
