Your dad touched me again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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