too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
