The brown eye won't let me do that either.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
