tell your sister to shave her snatch
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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