Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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