last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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