my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
