i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
