Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize