He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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