You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
