"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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