Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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