tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize