Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
