I hate all girls vehemently.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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