just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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