p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
