So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
