genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
