I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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