omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
