I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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