yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
