she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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