Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
