im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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