I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
