He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
