when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
