thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
