She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
