She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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