Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
