Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize