he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize