What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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