How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
