After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
