I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
