well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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