There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
