These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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