Apparently you make a good broom.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
