i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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