You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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