Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize