my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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