So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
