Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
