watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
