I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
