OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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