I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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