do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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