Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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