there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize