Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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