Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize