Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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