He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
