Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
