Umm I'm too high to move.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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