You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
