Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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