Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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