$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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