Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize
