Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
