youre lurking in front of me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
