PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
