There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
