I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
