i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
